… who lays ALLAH’s will above his; who loves the prophet more than anyone else; who restrains his worldly desires; who provides to his wife as he provides for himself ; who is kind to the people especially his family as Prophet PBUH said “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family”.
Much ink has been spilled and many pages have been inked in defining the role of a Muslim wife, her obligations, her rights, her duties and what constitutes her, “pious”. The need of hour is to explore the role of a husband in a family parallel to how our beloved Prophet meted out treatment to his wives. Moreover both men and women are interdependent hence it would be very unfair on our parts if we subjugate one and remain muted about other.
Since my last post was on the topic “a pious lady is one who..”, hence this subject was forthcoming. My female audience questioned as to why only woman should be pious? The fact is that most men attempt to find good virtuous female as their potential life partner but the apathy is that they themselves (and fellow mates) conduct in manner opposed to shariah (Islamic doctrines) . This article therefore intends to redress and focus the spotlight on man so that they become aware of the standards prescribed in Quran and Sunnah for being an ideal husband. Let there not be any transgression on wives. Prophet PBUH said “Fear ALLAH in (treating) women”. [Muslim] “Be advised to treat women righteously”. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
The guiding principle on the treatment of one’s wife is stated in this well known Hadith. Prophet PBUH Said “From among the believers are those who have the kindest disposition and are the kindest to their families- such are those who show the most perfect faith. The best among them are those who are kindest to their wives.” [Bukhari and Muslim]. Let us educate ourselves on how Prophet PBUH exemplified this kindness
1. He was never an inconsiderate husband who labeled domestic chores as women’s domain only. Aisha RA was asked by Al-Aswad bin Yazid what the prophet used to do in the house. She replied “He used to work for his family, that is: serve his family, and when prayer time came, He went out for prayer”. [Bukhari]
2. He never made a fuss about food. Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): Prophet never found fault with food. If he liked something, He ate it, and if he disliked it, he just abstained from it”. [Muslim]. The implication of this Hadith is that Prophet never commented on cooking.
The prophet PBUH said “The best of you is the one best to his family.” [Al-Tabarani] and at another occasion Prophet PBUH said, “A dinar (form of currency) that you spend on your family, a dinar that you spend on poor and a dinar that you spend for the sake of ALLAH: The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim] The Prophet PBUH said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas, “Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of ALLAH, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim] All these traditions of Prophet urge a believing man to shun his ego and ill attitude toward his wife and be kind and gentle to her.
Problems do creep into one’s life but they have to be dealt appropriately. A husband is advised to preserve the marriage even if it is not ideal by being patient with his wife. Quran says “And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and ALLAH brings through it a great deal of good”. [An Nisa 4:19]. Prophet said “One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes)”. [Muslim]
Divorce is the most undesirable and hateful thing amongst all the lawful things in the sight of ALLAH SWT. Prophet said “The most hateful of all lawful things, in the sight of ALLAH, is divorce”. Men at times tend to lose their temper on certain issues and divorce their wives. In one Hadith it is said that “He is not strong who throws people down, but he is strong among us who controls himself when he is angry“. [Bukhari and Muslim]. Men must realize this and try to reconcile, overlook and forgive their wives’ little mistakes. Prophet said “You forgive those who are on land for the one who is in the sky shall forgive you”
Tips to be a successful Muslim husband
• Dress well and smell good for your wife.
• Call your wife with the most beloved names to her as prophet use to call Aaisha RA, Humairah out of love.
• Recognize all the good that she does and focus on it.
• If you find anything inappropriate from her, try being silent and do not comment or criticize often.
• Smile at your wife whenever you see her. Even smiling is Sadaqah. Remember the hadith when the prophet used to kiss his wife before leaving to Salat even while fasting.
• Do not belittle her desires
• Men! Do not forget what Prophet PBUH said: “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.” Try to be the best!